Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognise what you see? And I don’t mean in a wanky self-reflective way. I mean in an actual I-don’t-recognise-myself way. I have it sometimes. I don’t know why, I mean, of course I know what I look like. Obviously. But maybe sometimes my brain forgets. Or what I think I look like isn’t quite the same as what I actually do. I had it today, this afternoon. I think it’s maybe because my hair is longer than it has been for years. It’s also a bit wavy now. It’s not been like this since I was about 10 years old I reckon.
I think it’s also because in my head I feel a different age to what I actually am. I saw some old friends tonight and we were talking about how old we feel. I think we all got stuck in our early twenties in our heads. Although sometimes when we get together I still feel like we are 15 and at school. That’s how I remember us all. So when I look in the mirror and see my 32 year old face looking back at me, it’s a bit strange.
Quite often I’ll see different things. Some days I’ll think I look tired. Sometimes I think I look old. Sometimes I think I look like either one of my nans. Or my dad (not great, he’s a bloke, but I can see some of his characteristics). Sometimes I wonder what I look like to other people. I remember when I was younger thinking people in their 30’s were OLD. But, I don’t feel old. I don’t think I look old most of the time.
I feel completely different to a couple of years ago and think I look quite different now too. But I forget that and surprise myself when I look in the mirror. I forget how much me and my life has changed over the last 18 months. Maybe it’s just taking time for my brain to catch up with everything.
Most importantly though, I like what I see in the mirror. Good days or bad days, it’s me. And I love me. So I’m happy.
Ironically/spookily/coincidentally, Justin Timberlake’s song Mirrors came on the TV when I was writing this. True story.