Timehop helpfully reminded me that it would have been my 9th wedding anniversary today. Not that I had forgotten, it’s the kind of thing that I think will always be in my brain but well, it wasn’t the first thing in my mind (plus I had to check, I always did get it confused with the 7th).
I don’t feel sad, or anything like that. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t feel anything any more really. But I can’t help but do a bit of reflection. 4 years ago, on what would have been our 5th anniversary, we got our decree absolute (ironic). I wrote about it in my first photo a day year in 2012 (a year in photos and long blog posts for my first single year – very cathartic to write back then, and very interesting to look back on now). Someone back then told me:
“It’s not just a bit of paper though – it’s a recognition of your bravery and your desire to make the most of your life, and your unwillingness not to let it just slip by unnoticed, as so many people do.”
And they were right, I just didn’t really realise it properly then. Back then I was just trying to adjust to a new normal, find my feet and keep myself afloat. I didn’t see what I had done was brave in any sense, if anything I had just got to a point where there was no other option.
But that person was absolutely right in that I had a desire to make the most of my life. I had seen my life mapped out in front of me and I couldn’t bear it, that planned routine and predictability. I wanted more. I wanted to not know what was coming. I wanted the unpredictability. I wanted the choice, the freedom to max the shit out of life with no apology.
Back in 2012 I made an internal promise to myself to try new stuff, to do more of the stuff that floats my boat and stop doing stuff I don’t get anything from and see how my life panned out. Be completely true to myself. And I hadn’t really realised how much I’ve kept that promise since then. Now, it’s just the way I live my life, but I forget how far I’ve come sometimes.
I’d say I’m a completely different person now. 5 years on, I still feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life, and I don’t want to waste it. Not one second. I’m gonna max the fuck out of it, and end up battered and knackered but with wide open eyes and a humble heart.
Quite often, shit situations can lead to great things with the right attitude. Just be true to yourself, keep positive, make opportunities, do nice things for other people and don’t forget to LAUGH, and the rest will follow. Learn from experiences and go make a difference.