Farewells.

Gah I’m a bit behind on my blogging this weekend. It’s been a bit busy. So time for me to cram a few things into one blog post.

It’s been a weekend of farewells.

On Saturday I saw Alex for the last time; he was moving out of the flat and down to London on Sunday. I know he’s been looking forward to it for a while. He’s so excited to be starting his new adventure. I was sad to say goodbye, he’s been a great friend to me over the last 18 months or so. Ever since he came to my house and cooked me tea when I had just moved to Lincoln and he was off work with gammy eyes. We got drunk on red wine. It was the start of it all. A brill friendship. Which was made up of West End tea visits, rooms for the night/week(s)/month(s), sushi, champagne, food, cake, red wine, sex stories, hangovers, fish and chips and secrets. I’m not sure whether you read this blog Alex, but if you do, don’t forget: bets are ON. I give it a week. 😉

I said goodbye to The Marine on Sunday, we spent a last sunny weekend together. He didn’t make me run up any hills this time though. In fact, we’ve not been running together for AGES. Probably a good job, he’s about a million times fitter than I am. It’s been a happy few months and we’ve had a couple of most merry weekends away. It’s been fun; but we always knew this was happening. I don’t think he reads this blog either, but if you do, I’ll miss my visits to the crack den and looking at the sky. Thank you for my picnic 🙂 Xx

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I also spent bit of time with the family. Sunday I had the most awesome Sunday lunch cooked by my sister-in-law. She does the BEST Sunday lunches. I’d said a couple of weeks ago that I didn’t want to go out with the family, I wanted to spend it at home (well, their house) because that’s what I said I’ll miss. And I’ll certainly miss Tanya’s cooking. And baking. Because she made me my own cake too. They named it the Crap Cupboard Cake; due to me raiding their Crap Cupboard every time I visit. So I had a cake topped with all kinds of different chocolate and biscuits. YUM.

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We sat outside and ate, drank champagne and chatted. My ace, quirky, funny little family. It’s not the last time I’ll see all of them but it was nice to have a little ‘official’ farewell lunch. I know Tanya reads this blog so, THANK YOU. You know I will miss you, Matt and your cooking and I hope you know how appreciative I am of everything you and Matt are doing for me, both now and while I’m away. I’ll miss being the wayward child for a year 😉

Last night I walked round the corner to see my lovely, lovely friend Laura for the last time. My best friend. Friend I’ve known since I was 11 and we started QEGS. She’s been there for me so much over the last 18 months (remember the rush visit to Martin you had to make when the proverbial hit the fan? So grateful) and our friendship has just got stronger since then. I took a bottle of champagne with me, she had a bottle of Asti in the fridge. We polished both of them off. This did not lead to an easy goodbye. She cried. I cried.

I think you read my blog Laura. Maybe just sporadically. So if you’re reading, thank you for being such a top mate, and I’m so sorry I’ll not be there in person in September. But you know I’ll be there in spirit. And I’m sorry I won’t be there for your hen do, but I’ve no doubt the girls will do you proud. And if I was there, I’d probably make you drink tequila. So it’s maybe for the best. Just so you know, I’ve not opened the card yet. I’m not sure I’m ready at the moment.

It’s strange saying goodbye. I’ve never really gone anywhere for this length of time. Only just longer holidays. But this trip is also different. There is a possibility I won’t come back. It’s not just a long holiday and I’ll come back and live the same life. I want to do something different. Live a bit of a different life. And I know that I WILL do something different, as long as I still feel the same about life during my travels. Because I’m the only person to be able to do something about it and I’m not waiting for something to just happen. I just don’t know what or where it will be yet.

I guess it’s like saying goodbye to my old life. Which, I have done once before, in November 2011. But, the people were still around. This time, I’m on my own. But, I know I can do it. I’ll be alreet.

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Grumpy grouch.

I was grouchy today. Tired, fed up, no energy grouchy. Not much energy to even speak so sorry Jane for not being on top form this lunchtime. It’s not often I have these days but today was one. I think it’s a combination of being tired (not a great night’s sleep and a weird dream), being hungry, having a bit of PMT and it just being the last few weeks before I go. It’s starting to hit me I think. In a few weeks time I won’t be here.

People keep saying to me “Are you excited, looking forward to it, etc.”. Today the answer was No. That’s how grouchy I was. Not like me, oops. I’ve been asked the question so many times, especially over the last week or so it’s a bit repetitive. I’m pleased of course that people are interested. But I just feel shattered about it all. Of course I am excited and looking forward to it. But it still seems a bit unreal. I don’t feel like I’ve had a break for months. Constant stuff to do. Yep, I know I’ll soon have a year long break, I know. But. It’s exhausting.

I’ve also realised that these last few weeks feel a bit funny. I almost just want to go now. Right now. Skip the waiting, the goodbyes and just go. I feel like I’m sat here on a suitcase just waiting. Watching the clock. Wishing away the days and hours. I don’t want to, of course, I want to enjoy these last few weeks. Make the most of them. But I also realise it’s going to be a bit of a wrench. I’ve said goodbye to a couple of people already. I found it a bit difficult. I’m going to have to say goodbye to a lot more soon. I’m going to have to say goodbye to a couple of people that in all probability I might never see again. I‘m not looking forward to it. 

And yes, before you say it, I know it’s my choice to go and I have to deal with it. And I am. Please don’t think I’m ungrateful. It’s just a little bit hard. Harder than I thought it would be actually. I didn’t realise how much of my life is here. And how much of a new life I’d made in just over 18 months.

know I’ll be fine as soon as I get on that plane. Excitement will have kicked in. My adventure will have started. Thinking about all the things I’ll see, experience and all the new people I will meet. But until then I might get a bit more grouchy. Sorry about that, I’ll try not to.

I was cheered up a little bit by some pretty spring blossom and Film Club tonight though. Karl made us hot dogs. This was Good. 😀

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